Now over the past few days I have been coming across this constant topic of my gal friends trying to understand the men in their life..and guy friends about them not understanding the women in their life.. Most of my conversations lately have started off either as I don't understand him or her.. Depending with whom am sitting and talking to.. Be it their fiance's , Bf/ GF's , father/mother , brother/sister or even a friend. I had even come across few blogs.. like Lena's .. So I thought let me see what I could come up with.. and ofcourse the comments I receive back..and who knows we could probably end up clearing few more airs around..
Now the main question I always or keep thinking about is.. Do we women end up thinking more than guys or do guys also think a lot.
I know we women are very emotional.. and some of us have wear our hearts on our sleeves but I know few men who are the same. But not when it comes to expressing their feelings..They could be passionate about their sports.. their work.. family.. But when it comes to letting their gf's or companion's its just not their... Most of the time they wont open up.. either could be because the person in question is not worth it.. Or you think that you are not worthy of that person.. On the whole you are left left feeling alone.. and not wanted.. Because that's what it is all about feeling... or how you are made to feel.
And then comes the trademark conflicts.. feeling angry.. let down .. and all this is because.. Both the sides are not talking .. or not making an effort to talk or let the other person know how they feel or why they feel like that.. Due to which both of sides are left wondering what is going wrong and why is it happening like that.. and leads to both sides drifting away from each other and later on realising how much they have changed or the priorites have changed.
Speaking of emotions.. I have got a fair share of guy friends.. and these are just friends.. before go ahead making any assumptions.... and sometimes I end up seeing their emotional side only when they are angry.. and that's when all the stories seem to come out. I mean guys its ok to be a bit venerable after all we all are human..You don't have to be always macho . Am sure we gals love to have a guy who is sometimes prone to tears.And am sure guys appreciate when the gals are straightforward and tell them what is bothering them than beating around the bush..Then there is the never ending ready answers " Oh you wouldn't understand its a guy thing"... I know we gals have the say about " Oh its gal talk" but that's also bad. Am sure somethings are a bit embarrassing to discuss or tell it out in open.. But then you can always say.. I shall talk about it later.. Than always using the excuse Oh its a guy thing.. For heaven's sake grow up.. I think we all should.. in this aspect because end of the day its all about sharing and trying to understand the person whom you care about ..
I feel that if you genuinely like each other, enjoy being together, agree with how each other thinks and behaves, and share the same dreams in life, then loving feelings will never be too far away... ok I read this in a magazine.. lol.. but doesn't it sound true.. I think it does.. and makes perfect sense. Because the whole point is to let the other person know how you feel so they are not left wondering.. If you are busy and can't spend much time with that person then let them know , I am sure they would appreciate the fact that you are letting them know that you are thinking about them and thinking how this change would affect them as well.. Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy, but it can also be painful. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life. It may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe... Isn't that what life is all about ???
Hope it makes sense .. or you can just go about as me blabbering as always ;)
now I will just wait for the comments .. :)
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58 comments:
you've made a lot of sense here. I personally believe in talking and discussing all the issues. If i am told i wont understand i am asking why they think i wont.
And well... knowing the different nature and the way of handling emotions and relationships, i think it is just good enough to remind yourself of this every now and then in order not to think they dont care. Because usually they do, just in a different way.
wow lena
that was fast..
hehe was just making small changes to the post.. and reposted it and saw i have got a comment already..
yes its so true.. because i dont after reading ur blog.. hehe am just having these random conversations with my friends.. n i finally was like whyy cant ppl talk it out.. and it would make sense.. why do u have to brush it away sayin oh u wont understand .. then try and make the person understand.. because other wise we wont realise it..
This is my first time here and I love this blog, thanks to lena! There are more lessons in there somewhere, isn't there? Men and women speaking in different ways? But curiously nobody can quite agree on what the difference is. I don't think it is healthy for us to live like this. I think most nurses don't have to be women and most lawyers don't have to be men.
That was a good post.Conditioning plays a major role...Men after domesticated by women are a lot more like pets...women become more wild after freeing their clutches. from rules dictated by male minds..But both are ideas..If we replace it with another idea..like co-existing with or without a bond, then too it may or may not work..
Forget ideas.Life is always beyond ideas.when ideas are gone he and she goes..
A very strange sense of identification arise when we really start to co exist together..
like the same identification I have with me..
But being together is very very important..
or else it is again play of ideas..
Very nice post..
me have a genie..
MIP
Red eyes ,
welcome to my blog.. thank u.. n i hope i can keep it interesting enough for u to keep coming back for more :)
well yes.. there is so much we can learn from each other.. all guys are different and so are all gals.. there fore judging each other from past experiences is also not a good thing..
well i haven't seen many male nurses.. but i have seen few female lawyers.. got few in my family .. so there.. but male nurse.. guess they would term them as being a wuss.. guess its not macho enough..
MIP
thank you..
i don't know if men become like pets or women become more wild.. if they do then thats not right..
each person has got their own individuality and thats what got the other person attracted to them in the first place.
and as u rightly said.. coexist would be the word..
The excuse of boy thing or girl thing is funny, of course they are not grown up whoever (boy or girl) says that way may not be able to know the niceness of every moment of women’s / men’s life and lifestyle. As a man, if I don’t take a chance to understand a women’s life and the nature of women’s characteristics, I’d never be a complete man - The same applies to any woman as well, other way around.
I’ll tell you what? Lately I understood some nice British ones are kinda rare shining stars in the skies, awww, how exiting they are in terms of humanity, intelligent talks, understanding, beauty, flexibility, honesty, equality, friendly…. I really can’t gauge them against my fella cousins I knew across the Indian ocean, people knew them quite often as nice, rude, violent, romantic, cute, virgin, insulting, sweet – what a fool a guy would be if he wanted these characteristics.
Interesting post Ani!
yes I read Lena's post too.
The 'differences' between Men and Women r always gonna be there. Cos, men are men, and women are women...as simple as that.
Like I said in Lena's post, Men r driven by extra Testosteron hormone, and Women r driven by extra Estrogen hormone. Hence the differences in the way they handle things. Hormones play a big part in how we all think and behave.
Irrespective of those differences, like u said Ani, if a man and a woman loves each other truly, none of that wud matter...then they begin to appreciate the 'differences' cos the feeling of Love will be the 'similarity' that binds them somehow :)
Keshi.
Loads of sense, loads of sense is what u make here.And out of ur experiences of playing Agony Aunt to some of ur frnds u hv many insights to the tough study of relationships.Tc kp writin....
Tht was interesting... Nice article!
shaajjii
been wondering what happened to u.. how come no post as of yet.. too busy is it???
i am glad that u r finding out different n new things about the british culture.. all of us are no different to emotions.. its the way we see things.. or understand them..and thats exactly what i was talking about..
keshii..
u got it right swweeettss..
because end of the day .. thats all there is to it..if a man and a woman loves each other truly, none of that wud matter...then they begin to appreciate the 'differences' cos the feeling of Love will be the 'similarity' that binds them somehow..
Chaggoholic
thank u for dropping by.. hope u do keep coming back.. and yes.. playing agony aunt has given me these insights.. but then again.. each person does think differently n hence ends up dealing things differently.. :)
kartz
thank u.. :)
Thanks a ton for dropping in... And yeah, my pleasure. I'm glad my poem made you feel I wrote it for you. :) And I say now, I did... *hugs back*
Peace, and have a nice day.
Am not busy at all! I ain't a blogger, so how can I write journal? I just might want to comment 2 or 3 blogs I know.
True, thoughts and emotions are same for everyone!
kartzz
hugggsss.. thank u for that..
u have a lovely weekend..
take care
shajji
ok fair enough u dont have to keep a journal..but then u can scribble once in a while.. am happy atleast ur lookin us all up :)
so whats plans for the weekend :)
Hmmmm...the perpetual debate. Men and Woman are different (thank God for that!) and we will continue to think differently many times but amidst all these differences I've always felt (and feel) that there has to be continuous communication in a relationship. Needs a lot to make the 'guy' and 'gal' thing kind of statement come out as 'our' thing :)
Thanks for stopping and leaving a comment. Just thinking further about this post, do you think there is a difference in the way men's and women's brains work? What are you reading currently?
I am down this weekend. So, no special events in plan. What are you doing?
Still thinking..
i know.. the debate continues.. each time.. we end up discussing different sides to it.. but its soo much fun to learn.. and see how ppl react for these situations..
continuous communication in a relationship is very essential.. unless they are telepathic :)
Red eyes..
thats what my question was..
is there a difference in the way we think..
but sometimes i am lead to believe that there..
and the book i am reading.. its sam bourne's the final reckoning. ;) nothing to do with what i write or wrote..
Shajji..
well had fresher's fayre yesterday.. so that was nice.. today just sitting n thinking what i can do :)
:) and im bak. HUGS!
Keshi.
keshi ,
hugggsssss
sooo goood to have u back dearrriee
Do you know, if you left a baby boy in one room and a baby girl in another, they would grow up the same. Equally when you are the only girl in a family of 4 boys (i.e. where you have 4 brothers), you tend to be more tomboyish.
I think its the way we are brought up, we begin to saok up certain cultural devices and skills as our parent think fit - something acceptable to society.
I do not believe we are from different planets but yes I think we are brought up to think differently. And I think this is to satisfy those who think because we maintaien a lot of physical differences then it follows that we are different species. I think its down to tradition.
btw: Have you read master on margarita on my blog?
red eyes
well i agree it is to do with tradition and i can so relate to what u said..
because i was born in a families of guys.. so i was a bit of tom boy( ok thts an understatment there) anyways.. point being.. my parents still allowed me to hang on to my individuality than listening to the so called society.. because i think end of the day.. ppl who want to find fault in u'll do.. and changes are not accepted immediately.. they do take time..
question is how much time..
You are so intelligent. Ok, let me go think, Ill be back
red eyes..
now now was that a compliment :)
he he, y am i not surprised when I read the title of ur post ;) Yeah I think girls think a lot but say a lot too. I m sure guys think a lot but don t say much, specially European one (that I m not even sure they think a lot), Indian guys seem to think and talk lot more for what i ve seen and read!
Well, we never said man and woman living together will be easy, we need to work together to make it worth and work ;)
C.
PS: i blogrolled u too ;)
cess
hehe u shouldn't be surprised.. hehe considering the whole conversation going on at the moment is about that.. lol..
hnnm i think.. it depends on the guy.. sometimes.. he chooses to talk a lot and say exactly how he feels.. n then there are times.. that how much ever u try.. he just wouldnt talk..
and yes living together is not a easy thing.. but at the same time if there is no communication..
thats not good either..
thank u for stopping by and blog rolling me.... hugggzz :)
Caring words...
Claps !!!
:)
hobo
thank u for dropping by.. :)
and thank u..basically wrote what i felt..
well it vil be a never ending topic u knw and at the same time ..I guess we can't generalize it either !!
but then i guess u have talked sense ..even i wud have done the same !!
hey btw blogrolling u !
and yea
PLZZ join this orkut community made by me for 'WE' blog frnds :
jus copy the link in the browser and open !
http://www.orkut.co.in/Community.aspx?cmm=50554640
that statement was from a different time...when males were supposed to be only macho...immune to emotions...
nowadays we guys just like to be normal..heheh
so what if we shed a tear or two, when they were worth shedding...
:D
its not like I was away really..lol!
Keshi.
but yeah, mentally I was away from Blogville for 3 days...:)
Keshi.
I think you are hitting the nail on the head. If things click they just do. Otherwise, "I don't understand him or her" conversations happen all the time.
Nice thoughts.
* Men are from Mars and women are from Venus..
If you want to TRULY understand the opposite sex, go through this book. It answers all the questions being raised in various blogs these days.
A word of caution though - A mistake we generally make is that we concentrate more on the passages relevant for the opposite sex and try to justify our beliefs about the opposite sex rather than do our bit to strengthen relationship.
* But not when it comes to expressing their feelings..
Yes. Women are very emotionally expressive. Men are equally emotional if not more but hide their emotions except when they are in anonymity of blog-world.
* let the other person know how they feel or why they feel like that.. Due to which both of sides are left wondering what is going wrong and why is it happening like that..
Valid point. We accuse the other side of not trying to understand us and make no effort to understand the other side or make him/ her understand us.
I'm always OK, you're always not OK, and I will not tell you why you're not OK because I will see to it that you remain not OK. :)
* Am sure we gals love to have a guy who is sometimes prone to tears.
Careful, guys! Note the word "sometimes". Replace "gals" with "some gals".
* Hope it makes sense ..
Lot of sense. But unfortunately, in a relationship, logics are thrown out of the window and emotions prevail. Emotions... that you don't communicate to your partner (until you are ready to burst) and expect him/ her to understand them.
Peter:
thank u for stopping by and liking it for blog rolling :)
will check out ur blog and add the community as well.. :)
it is surely an unending topic.. but at the same time.. u end up getting different views which is the whole point.
humbl devil
hehe well i dont know if it is from a different time.. glad that u think that it is.. because i still know few ppl who would wanna be more on the macho side than show there sensitive side..
so u sensitive then?? ;)
keshi..
hehe yeh i know u didnt go anywhere.. just that u didnt post or say much..was talking about that..
anyways good to have u around.. :)
hugggzzzz
solitaire
thank u.. i hope i did..
because thats the whole point.. passing on the buck.. when the whole problem is that nobody actually talks and let their emotions out..
stony..
welcome to my blog :)
yup hehe the conversation continues for us :)
"A word of caution though - A mistake we generally make is that we concentrate more on the passages relevant for the opposite sex and try to justify our beliefs about the opposite sex rather than do our bit to strengthen relationship."
this is so true.. because that is wht everyone does.. look at the other person's fault and not their own..
"Men are equally emotional if not more but hide their emotions except when they are in anonymity of blog-world."
I agree that guys can also be emotional.. and i why do u have to be so unemotional in real life.. atleast u can tell the person/ spouse.. who ever is the most impt one in ur life.. now dont tell me we dont wanna worry them.. because that makes us get worried even more..
"Am sure we gals love to have a guy who is sometimes prone to tears.
Careful, guys! Note the word "sometimes". Replace "gals" with "some gals"."
well it is actually all girls.. but then u dont want a cry baby as well.. because some guys just dont know how to control the emotional side..
its true.. logic cant be put into a relationship..
Interesting comment there Stony :)
**Women are very emotionally expressive. Men are equally emotional if not more but hide their emotions except when they are in anonymity of blog-world
Men r equally emotional? wow I didnt know. My ex-BF was emotional alright, but not as much as I wanted him to u'stand my feelings :)
Keshi.
Ani yeah do that other post on Marriage n babies too..lol ur cute!
*HUGZ*
Keshi.
I dont even know what to think anymore...i dont even feel like analysing men, women and relationships anymore...im soooo OFF it all...for now :)
pretha
heyy whats happening with u long time..
well i just posted another blog.. hehe let me know if u wanna comment on that one ;)
Keshi
I did the blog..
very generic though..
so lets see.. :)
BTW, I ain’t exploring much on cultural aspects. I value all good things I have seen in Arabian, Indian and British culture.
And, yeh, I will write something soon, and it will be with music as well.
shajji
thank u.. that would be nice..
and yes do on music..that would be nice.. :)
how did the weekend go
as usual Ani, am last to comment here! dunno i kind of late here! have read the book, may be as the title tells, men and women are different! it's really difficult at least a bit to co-exist!
after all the understanding!! I come with J K rowlings understanding!! Like good and evil, women and men exist, one cannot exist without the other..
Barath
you are never too late to comment..
yup men and women are different .. but then we are not that different as well.. its just that the degree of expectation is different.. and hence the way we try to understand the other person varies..
hehe i'm a big fan of jk rowling.. and yes.. Like good and evil, women and men exist, one cannot exist without the other.. and that is soo true.. you need the one so that the other can survive.. :)
let me know what u think about my marriage n babies post.. thats just started so you wont be the last one :)
I thinks its all a matter of upbringing, today boys are also very vocal and good in communication.and its alaways a lack of communication, not love which brings disharmony in mariatl relationships.
Renu
well it is true.. it all lies in the upbringing.. but then there are still some ppl.. be it boys or girls.. who try to surpress their emotions as long as they can.. and blurt it out at the wrong time..
and yes the lack of communication is why any relationship fails..
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